literature

Finite - Excerpt 1

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Literature Text

Finite
(Excerpt)

          "Watch where you're going, prick!"
          James continued to speed through the traffic, narrowly avoiding a collision with yet another driver who promptly insulted him on his reckless driving. It was only a five minute stretch from the firm he worked at to the café he was going to before heading home but he'd already managed to run two red lights, dodge four collisions, and receive nine insults. A slow day considering he'd typically have twice that by this point.
          "Idiot," mumbled James, not letting his foot up off the gas as he turned onto another street, tires screeching. He continued down the street, looking for a spot along the curb to pull into. The only one free had another driver about to begin backing up to make an attempt at parallel parking. Without a ounce of hesitation, he swerved his Porsche into the spot, head on. The other driver slammed on their brakes, horn blaring as the rear of their car stopped less than an inch from James' hood, immediately sending him and his passenger into a cursing frenzy.
          "What the hell is wrong with you?" The other driver screamed out of their open window at James as he turned of his car and stepped out. "You saw me trying to get there! That was my spot!"
          "Your spot?" James looked at him, smirking. "Well if you can show me proof of ownership, I'll gladly move out of the way. Until then, take that piece of trash elsewhere and clean it up before bringing it out in public again. Same goes for the car." He turned, walking off into the café, not even waiting around to see how long it took for them to calm down enough to drive off. He pushed past the line of five people, ignoring their complaints and snaps as he stepped up to the counter.
          "Hello Mr. Shelk," said the girl behind the counter, regretting that she was unfortunate enough to be stuck serving him.
          "Usual," he said sternly, refusing to even acknowledge the man he'd pushed away from the counter.
          "Yes Mr. Shelk," she replied again, before turning to the man he'd pushed aside. "I'm sorry sir. Just give me a moment to take care of him. It won't take long and then I'll be right back to you." She turned away, promptly preparing James Shelk's beverage. She used to try to refuse to serve him until his turn in line had been reached but, after her third attempt, he called her manager. Apparently he'd won a case that prevented her boss from ending up behind bars even though he deserved it. That granted him the privilege of walking in and gaining priority, regardless of the time, and, since she needed the job, she learned to deal with it no matter how much she disliked him.
          "Here you go," she said, placing the cup on the counter. James snatched it up, tossing exact change onto the counter before turning around and heading out. She sighed, turned to the man that had been waiting and began taking his order again. "I'm sorry, you wanted sir?"
          "Nice to see that girl had finally learned her place," mumbled James as he neared his car. He proceeded to take another gulp of his drink but nearly choked on it as he saw a homeless man a few feet from his car. "You! Get away from that!"
          The man looked up at James as he rushed up, checking to see if he touched his car as if he was a virus ready to infect his bank account. "Ya got some change I can have?"
          "What," huffed James. "Want some money so you can buy some booze? Hell no. Get away from me you bum. Get a job. Stop begging. It's illegal."
          "Come on, just a little. You have some that you could spare with a fancy car like that."
          "No," said James, preparing to go around and get in. "Now get away from me before I have you locked up."
          "Wait!" The man reached out, grabbing James by his arm, pulling him back closer before he could begin walking. "Your timer is ending!"
          "Get your hands off me you vermin!"
          "But your timer is ending," said the man again, this time turning James around and holding him with both arms, making him drop his drink to the ground.
          "That's it! You're gone!" James forced him off and pulled his phone out, dialing a number as he tried to go around his car again to get in the drivers side. "Yes, I have a-"
          James was cut off in mid-sentence as a loud crack echoed out above him. He and the few that were on the sidewalk looked up to see a crane snap free of its bindings and hurtle down towards the Earth, pulling pieces of the building with it. Screams of horror rang out as the people began running for cover as quick as they could. James, who was frozen, stood there, looking up at it. It was only in the few seconds before it landed on his car that he felt his body pulled backwards by the man he'd refused to give change to. He was thrown close enough to the building that he was partially inside it just before the crane crashed, sending particles and dust everywhere. As he uncovered his face and looked at the wreckage, the screams still ringing out around him, he saw the remains of the man that saved his life along with a series of six grey digits above his head as they slowly faded away.
00:00:00
Yet another story idea that I've had for a LONG time. Not really sure on names and everything but gist of it is as follows:

James Shelk is an asshole and a lawyer who has made a name for himself seeing to it that those that are guilty always manage to escape their fate. After an incident that nearly costs him his life however, he seems to have gained a special sight that allows him to see how long each person has to live. Along with this sight he gains one more abnormal trait: immortality.

I'm not sure where in the story this is (obviously could be considered one of the first 3 chapters) but I'm thinking about writing another portion of the story, later in the story, yes, but not sure where chapter wise. Reason as to why I just have "excerpt".

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Comments2
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GiveMeTears's avatar
The premise is an interesting one. There were a couple of sentences that I thought ran long. If you had broken them up and elaborated a little more on the imagery, I think the words would have come across much stronger. Better use of punctuation, I guess I'm trying to say. For example, "The man looked up at James as he rushed up, checking to see if he touched his car as if he was a virus ready to infect his bank account." I think it would read stronger if it went more like, "The man looked up at James as he rushed up. He checked to see if the man had touched his car; the man was practically a virus, ready to infect his bank account." Other than that, I'd really like to read more of this story.